Write down what the job includes

A night shift is usually a defined block — ours was essentially twelve hours — where the person is responsible for her through the night: feeding her when she wakes, changing her, and settling her back down without the household being involved.

The things worth being explicit about, because they aren't obvious:

This is the one we'd insist on. Vitamins, iron, anything prescribed: one named person is responsible, and it is written down with a tick.

With overnight help, a grandparent and two parents, the risk is not only a missed dose. It is also a dose being given twice because everyone assumes nobody else has done it. After that happened to us, we made one person responsible for every medicine and supplement. That simple change was worth the awkward conversation.

Keep medicines with one person

A short written handover each morning — waking times, how much she took, anything unusual — changed how much we could rely on the arrangement.

It does three things. It gives you a record if a doctor asks. It makes patterns visible that nobody would remember verbally.

The paid overnight option is expensive and in many places it simply isn't available at a price that makes sense. The alternatives people actually use:

Splitting the night properly between two parents, which is covered in `splitting-nights` and is the single highest-value thing available if there are two of you. One person sleeping properly beats both half-sleeping.

Agree the trial and handover

Say at the start that the first couple of weeks are a trial for both sides, and that you'll talk at the end of it.

It costs nothing and it changes everything about how an ending goes. Without it, deciding it isn't working becomes a confrontation and people avoid having it, which is how unsatisfactory arrangements run for months. The guide on ending one is `letting-help-go`.

Call your doctor immediately if

Blue or grey, a pause or struggle to breathe, or a floppy baby you cannot wake — call your local emergency number now.

  • She's floppy, very hard to wake, or her cry is nothing like her usual one
  • Working hard to breathe, grunting, or pauses in her breathing, or she goes pale, grey or blue
  • A temperature of 38°C or above under three months
  • You're told about an injury, a fall, or a dose given twice — ring rather than wait