How do I explain our baby-care rules to someone helping?

Written rules are easier to follow

We started by correcting things as they came up, kindly, one at a time. Six weeks in we were still correcting the same things and had become the difficult household.

What worked was writing it down once — a single message with the standards for anyone who looks after her, including us. Not a response to an incident. Just how this house does it.

We had a genuine disagreement about this and it's worth laying out, because the detail matters.

We asked for hands to be washed before picking her up. What we observed was sanitising when someone noticed we were watching, and we weren't convinced the hands had been done before that. Separately, the person's position was that she preferred washing to sanitiser — which is correct, and not the same as doing either reliably.

Be clear about hygiene and safety

No perfume or strong scent. This mattered enormously for us because her breathing had needed help early on, and strong scents were a real irritant. It is also something no one would think to ask about — and we had a situation where a night person was certain she wasn't wearing any while the room said otherwise.

Masks worn properly. If you've asked for a mask at all, it's worth saying once that over the nose is the point. On the chin is theatre.

This is the thing we'd most want to pass on. Every instruction that stuck had a reason attached; every instruction that quietly eroded didn't.

"One toy at a time" sounds arbitrary and gets forgotten. "One toy at a time, because she gets overstimulated and loses interest in toys quickly" survives, because now the person can apply the principle to situations you didn't anticipate.

Give the reason once

Two practical notes.

Medicines and supplements belong to one named person, with every dose ticked off in writing. Do not spread this across Mama, Papa, Grandma and anyone else helping with the baby.