How do we split the nights so nobody breaks?

Both awake and exhausted was not helping anyone

At first it can feel more loving to get up together. In practice, it left both of us shattered and nobody properly rested.

The split that worked for us

One of us covered bedtime until about four in the morning. The other took over from four until nine. The off-duty parent was allowed to be properly off duty.

It takes time to fall asleep, even when you are exhausted, so the shift had to be long enough to give us a real block of sleep.

If one parent is breastfeeding

The other person can still do the nappy, lifting, winding and settling. An expressed bottle may work for some families, but it is not the only way to share the load.

If you are doing nights alone, the shift may need to happen in daylight. A relative or friend holding the baby while you sleep can still be the thing that gets you through.

When somebody offered help, we learned to say, “Yes, please,” instead of automatically being polite. We all need help. Taking it is not failing.

Review the plan in daylight, not during an argument at three in the morning. If tiredness is making driving or baby care feel unsafe, ask for help now.